tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-153420682011-04-21T18:41:40.260-07:00Welcome to the page where a lot fo words appear and yet nothing is ever said.The Ambassador of Russiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15518050651544443856noreply@blogger.comBlogger31100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15342068.post-1140506248196609692006-02-20T23:10:00.000-08:002006-02-20T23:17:28.206-08:00Since nobody ever reads this..I suppose it's as good a place as any to write down how I'm feeling. Honestly, I'm feeling really lousy. There is so much spiritual warfare going on in me and I dont even know which side I really want to win. This is EXACTLY what happened last year! I cant believe I'd be stupid enough to let something like this happen again! IN my own defense, I was somewhat..lad astray by what some people believed to be true..and yet I should have made sure before I leaped. Baaaaaarrrg. I feel trapped. I'm totally and utterly alone on this. I cant talk to my friends, for none of them understand. Shame keeps me from talking to Tim, the only one who might actually understand..and then there's Jesus who I keep attempting to hide my face from out of such utter shame. I disgust myself. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to proceed, who to turn to. I'm aware of what is expected of me on both sides, and yet, where will each path lead me? I've backed myself into a corner and it seems like my time is soon running out. I've sinned. Greatly. And then thing is, I enjoyed it more than i could imagine. And yet, as soon as the temporary high wore off..I began to hate it and myself until the next time came for it to relieve that hate and allow the pleasure to take it's place...and then it felt even worse than before. O Lord what have I become? What have I done with my life and the people close to me? What people. There are none. I am alone. I'm a happy plastic people..under shiny plastic steeples. With walls around my weakness and smile to hide my pain. Is there anyone that's been here? Is there anyone that falls? Is there anyone in church today, feeling so small?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/15342068-114050624819660969?l=greetingsfromblah.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The Ambassador of Russiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15518050651544443856noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15342068.post-1125623826896796612005-09-01T18:11:00.000-07:002005-09-01T18:17:06.900-07:00Wow..today somewhat threw me off. Oh well. School went by..slowly yet quickly..it totally felt like friday so that confused the heck out of me. Start filling out college apps..finally! These weirdo places keep sending me application stuff and I'm like..I reaaally dont want to go here..so please stop sending me stuff! aaagh. Girls are..insane. They are very distracting..darn them. Oh well. Saadia's note cheered me up today. I was like..aaaw! Cept when you go "aaw" in the middle of the hall, you tend to get some weird looks. Oooooh well! read her story..it's cool. My char obviously has some deep down feelings for her's..oh la la! Lol alrighty well, I'm off to study for eeeverything. House to myself this weekend! Yay cleaning and working!<br />Nobody's going to read this..that's ok..kind of like a random online journal thingy.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/15342068-112562382689679661?l=greetingsfromblah.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The Ambassador of Russiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15518050651544443856noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15342068.post-1123800567193616702005-08-11T15:47:00.000-07:002005-08-11T15:49:27.196-07:00Yay this is my first post on this page! I wonder if anybody will actually see it..<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/15342068-112380056719361670?l=greetingsfromblah.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The Ambassador of Russiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15518050651544443856noreply@blogger.com1